Last Things First

(moved over from jimmyknives.com)

To the people who have been visiting this blog during it’s strange business hours over the many years it’s existed and the couple of months that it’s actually been active it’s had to seem like one extremely long confession/suicide note/horror story/lesbian propaganda/tit reference/rage vent/hit piece/run on sentence in the history of god damn time. I think I just broke my own personal record for that last one. In reality it started and ended as my place to let my mind wander and occasionally entertain people who clearly have too much fucking time on their hands too.

I keep my manic depression status completely intact with my constant running in and out. I kind of have a fuck this place I’ll never talk to you again and I’ll see you tomorrow attitude when it comes to blogging. I like to write. I don’t always bother sharing it. My last run was going to be my very last for a couple of reasons. The first reason was because my “jimmy vs the internet” run of blog entries were the most fun I’d ever had writing, and there was literally zero drama involved for the first time ever. The second reason was because I had abandoned the reason I started writing in the first place.

I was trying to maintain what little sanity I had left by writing, which was suggested to me by a shrink back when I still had this thing called hope which is the only reason any idiot would listen to a shrink to begin with. When I got to that last run that I wrote for this site I had all but abandoned the topic I spent most of my time on previously. My mental illness, how I dealt with them, and the gory details of a man who hallucinates daily. Some people thought that I had gotten over it, like it was a fucking cold or something. Funny as that is, it couldn’t be further from the truth. These last few months have been the worst of my life as it pertains to my daylight hallucinations and my mental health in general.

jimmyknives is being pulled out of retirement. I clearly lost to the internet as predicted, I’m not dying in obscurity anymore. I’m going back to where I started. I’m also not doing it here. My old pen name is not the only thing I’m knocking the dust off of thanks to a few old friends, and the really bad idea of reclaiming our name after a certain someone took it’s really horrible reputation and made it just lame and kinda bad by using it in a different medium than outright internet trolling as it was intended.

Chris Moon is once again the president of Super Sad Media. I’m coming back to write for him on what will be my last run. A year. Tops. This October will mark the ten year anniversary of the wreck that brought me my amazing little gift of crazy and I can’t think of a better way to celebrate the worst thing that’s ever happened to me than by sharing it with you fine strangers. After today it will be over at SSM instead of here.

SSM was originally supposed to be for anyone locally that wanted to put themselves out there creatively. Once I got in to it with almost every single person who wanted to put themselves out there creatively (CREATIVE DIFFERENCES!) it became about pleasing ourselves. For just this one time I’m not making a masturbation reference. We did elaborate projects that only person would understand. We’d put hours and hours in to make less than five people laugh. We didn’t give a fuck who liked it, who saw it, who understood it, and certainly not who it offended. That’s the main reason I wanted to go back to SSM versus writing here.

I’m fucking sick to death of hearing about LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE, SUPPORT ME ON PATRE……go fuck yourselves. I don’t care if you like it, subscribe, share it, and you can keep your money for therapy. I don’t want it. Liking something is the digital equivalent of fucking nodding in agreement. I don’t mind if you do, I don’t care if you don’t. You could dump a truckload of money right in front of me and it wouldn’t fix a single fucking problem of mine. I’m not motivated by that. I’m just trying to keep myself occupied until death’s sweet fucking release. Welcome to the internet’s version of the sit and spin. It’s about to start spinning again.