Every once in a while we all get off handed suggestions from random places that we need to check something out. Listen to this band, watch this movie, see this comedian, try three fingers, and so on and so forth. Most of the time I brush that shit off with a quick “don’t fucking tell me what to do”. Now and then something actually sounds like I won’t immediately fucking regret the decision and I follow through on it. Recently such a suggestion popped up on a rather odd subject. A documentary about rats that was randomly on Netflix. Cleverly titled…….Rats. I wasn’t fucking prepared.


They went with a horror movie flavor. Not too shocking given the reputation of these disgusting little bastards. It was a real horror show. Didn’t have a fucking thing to do with the rats. It had everything to do with the humans, but more importantly, it was confirmation of a theory I’ve been yammering about on this very blog for fucking ever. The differences in our cultures around the world have been purposely created divisively. You may ask yourself how in the blue fuck do rats confirm such a thing?


A rat is a pest. One that is not only a disease carrying shitbag, but just the sight of one makes us devalue the entire area in which it is seen. When you see a rat you immediately act like your racist neighbors when a black family moves on your block. That’s a universal knee jerk reaction, right? Fucking. Wrong. We have vastly different reactions depending on where we were born. My jaw dropped as they made their way around the world displaying those different reactions.


To be fair, most cultures react the same way we do here in the states. With violence and contempt. Enter Vietnam. I had this sick feeling in my stomach when they shifted gears there and I said out loud ” oh no, these dirty motherfuckers are going to eat them……” and I sometimes hate being right all the fucking time. Especially when I’m wrong. The second they showed the lady preparing the meal I was ready to support our troops going back over there and finishing the job. Fuck getting them to adopt democracy. We have to go over there and stop them from eating fucking rats. Before I could write BORN TO KILL on imaginary military garb to prepare myself for the invasion they shifted gears and blew my fucking mind again.


These other goofy motherfuckers thought that rats were their relatives reincarnated and so they built them a temple and fed them like they were family. They eat and drink out of the same bowls as the rats. I turned my imaginary military force around and now we were heading there to stop this first. It’s one thing to eat something gross, it’s another to think Auntie Edna is trapped in a rat and therefore we must treat it as we’d treat her. Sounds crazy, right? Crazy like a man being resurrected and honoring him with chocolate bunnies? In reality, it has absolutely nothing to do with sanity. It’s what you are taught.

Seems legit……..


A rat will eat anything. Even other rats. Mentally, humans will eat anything. Our brains will accept any idea, no matter how fucking absurd, as long as enough of our peers have accepted this same truth. We will pass those same toxic lies on to our children. The reason each region has different lies to tell is to make sure that we never feel a sense of common ground. If I snag three humans from different parts of the globe and show them a rat the reaction should be universal. Instead one thinks it’s the symbol of death, one thinks it’s a god, and another thinks it’s Vietnamese cheetos. It’s upon this realization that even the most hopeful of hippies would throw down their world peace signs and realize we’re fucked in that regard. It’s more absurd of a notion than your dead mom getting killed again in a rat trap.


We can’t agree on if abortion is killing a baby even though the reason you get an abortion is because you don’t want to have a baby. We can’t decide if gays should be able to get married or should be strung up or locked in mental institutions. We can’t agree on God’s name, gender, race, sexual orientation, lefty or righty, if his dad is a dick, or even if he fucking exists to begin with. Depending on where on Earth you are standing you might even have to deal with crazy shit like women actually being allowed to drive, vote, and expose skin that isn’t required for them to see. Sometimes it takes something that should be supremely fucking easy to grasp getting majorly fucked up to open your eyes about how dangerous believing everything you are told without question truly is.


A lot of people are upset right now with the way that our society is trending in the direction of the end times. We seemingly can’t agree on anything. You will agree the moment that they change the narrative and you are meant to agree. All of your information, food, and safety is provided for you. All you had to do was let them systematically destroy every instinct you were born with in return. It’s a pretty fair trade as far as evil overlords go. So long as you are born in one of the non eating or non family rat areas. Now if you will excuse me I have to go write my congressman about getting Vietnam War part II funding started.